Fears and insecurities

One thing you learn in coaching, is that we are all afraid. Everybody.

I may think someone else is a freak and a basket case. But they are really just freaking about something slightly different than what I freak out about. When I get coached, and all those fears are talked about in the open, they look really different than when they are unspoken. They seem kind of small and weird, instead of big and real.

I felt that I’ve had some breakthroughs in dealing with thoughts about the past. But now I’m realizing that I also need to deal with thoughts about the future.

I’ve decided that I want to have my mind and body present and positive at the same time. All these fears aren’t even real–they just feel that way.

For example, when I find my thoughts wandering into the future in a way that starts feeling stressful, I can pull my thoughts back to the present. Just remind myself of what is real right now, and be grateful and thankful for all the positives. I can set aside thoughts about the future until I’m able to process them in a more positive way.

For example, last night I started worrying about whether I’d have the financial stability down the road to be able to own a home in the States, without jeopardizing my retirement or the kids’ education. The thoughts were not productive or going anywhere. I listened to about 15 minutes of a body scan meditation, which put me right to sleep.

Then, this morning, I started thinking again about my desires for the future, and I felt a lot more clarity. For now, I think I would be very happy living in a rented apartment where there are other families around. And I’m really happy with my current situation, even though it’s tiny, so I might as well enjoy it. I can start looking around for property in the States when I’m there at Christmas time–just for fun and exploration.

I could get some coaching experience by hooking up with other coaches in the area who are working at retreat centers, just to get a feel for what their lives are like and if it’s something I really would be interested in doing. Just keep exploring without pressuring myself to make any dramatic moves until I’m ready. And that could be a great income-generator that won’t feel like a corporate job.

This morning, it’s such a fresh and beautiful day. I let my 6-year-old stay home an extra hour from school because she was sleepy. We had a nice breakfast together, and she chattered away the whole time. Then I scheduled a massage for myself for Friday morning, and called a friend who is going to swim laps with me today and Thursday. I’m going to really enjoy it.

All these overwhelming thoughts can be taken a step at a time in daylight hours, when they seem to shrink to their normal size.

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