Power listening: WAIT (Why Am I Talking?)

Power listening:
-          Coaching is not a usual give and take conversation. Coaches listen 80% of the time.

What are we listening for?
-          What they are saying
-          What they are not saying
-          Tone of voice–stress levels, excitement, frustration, puzzlement, confusion, anger, resistance, doubt and uncertainty, hopes and aspirations.
-          Volume and speed. (very fast could mean they are anxious, tend to be in a hurry; softly could mean nervous, figuring something out; loudly could mean excitement, reacting, found a solution
-          Values: “I need my freedom”.
-          Specific words:

  • “should” (is it the client’s goal and desire, or is it coming from something or somewhere else). It is much preferable to hear “want” instead of “should”
  • “try” – could it be lack of commitment, leaving a back door open. Experimenting is a much better word. Try is not committed. There could be a belief system issue that keeps them from moving forward
  • “Yes, but” – negating the yes.

-          Perspective words:

  • Struggle
  • Difficult, impossible
  • Universal Belief System—the client will tell it to you. “I’m not good enough.” (smart enough, whatever enough). Everyone feels that way in one form or another.
  • “Because you know I have to be perfect.”

-          Neuro-Linguistic Programming: client will let you know by their words how they process information. You can listen to their words, and mirror these types of words so that they can hear you.

  • Auditory: I hear that, it sounds like
  • Visual: I see, it looks like
  • Kinesthetically: it feels like
  • Auditory/digital (processing): that makes sense. I think (can also come off as tentative, or could mean that they process things in their heads)

What else can we hear?

-          We can hear their shift in perspective
-          What makes them tick
-          Can hear excuses
-          Client trying to get out of answering a question

Judgment: How can we get it out of our listening?

-          take on a spiritual perspective—viewing their soul with a perspective of love.
-          think of Mel Gibson in “What Women Want” where he can read their minds. Think about, “What if this person could hear my thoughts?”
-          sit on hands if I feel judgmental—personal reminder of how I’m feeling so I can tell myself “Stop!”
-          clear the face of judgmental expression

Staying present when listening:

-          Center self, clear self before starting to coach.
-          Keep notes
-          Would you be tempted to look at an email while you’re coaching?

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