Underlying commitments

As your coach, when I find out that you have a belief system that you may not be aware of and that is holding you back, the thing to do will be to find out what it is and name it. From there, we can get curious about exploring it from different angles to see how it is benefiting or harming you.

We won’t try to fight it, or give it strength. We can add to it, turn it around, put it in its proper place, use it when necessary.

For example: “People should be grateful to me!” Instead of fighting that belief, let’s be aware that it’s there and see what we can add to it. For example, “Yes! That would be nice. I can also focus on being grateful to God and to the many people who have blessed me.”

Or again: “I’m always coming in second. I can’t be a leader who goes out on a limb.” Instead of just saying, “Yes, you can!” (which may lead you to fight the thought and create additional fear of leadership) we can look at the thought from several angles, with a number of possible coaching questions:

(1) Maybe you like to see examples first. Maybe you find it wise to follow the path of someone else who had already succeeded? (2) What are the feelings that come up for you when you think about going first? (3) Do you feel uncomfortable with this? Is it wrong? How has it benefited you? (4) When you have stepped out first, what happened? If positive, would build on that. If negative, help build confidence and strength. (5) Going first is not always the best—and it does’t always make you feel comfortable afterwards. So congratulate yourself for using the belief wisely in many circumstances. (6) When do you can take the lead? Do you feel confident when you do? (7) How can you move forward? How can we help make this belief cease to be a roadblock for you? Talk this through. How can we move this belief from unconscious to conscious?

I’m sure you have many of your own beliefs–some deeply held and used over and over. Have a look and them, dust them off and see what they are doing for you.

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