Awaken Coaching

Step 1 to Freedom

christi — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 12:51:51 +0000

This is step 1 in the “7 Steps to Freedom through Forgiveness” series. As we begin this work together and as you find yourself open to a more free way of being yourself, I ask you to be open also to God’s healing in your life. When you are open to God’s work, the healing [...]

Rest

christi — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:10:18 +0000

I had malaria last week. It was the day before my birthday, and I had no idea that my family had great plans for and hiking in the Aberdares, so I was perfectly content to stay in bed reading and relaxing.

After only one day in bed, the medicine had begun to kick in, and [...]

Judging and Non-judging

christi — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 11:06:15 +0000

Some people may say, “It’s definitely important to be firm about what is right and what is wrong. Otherwise, how can we maintain a moral society? How can we train our children? Your kids might turn into monsters, if they haven’t already. There is no telling what evil you may allow into your life, and [...]

Responding vs Reacting

admin — Thu, 06 May 2010 16:12:21 +0000

How do you feel when you react to something? Do any of these words sound familiar? Tense, tight muscles, irritated, helpless, powerless, angry, annoyed, overwhelmed, hateful, in fight-or-flight…?

What about when you respond to something? Peaceful, thoughtful, connected, relieved, sitting up tall, relaxed, thinking about possibilities, un-hurried…?

That’s not to say that going with a gut feeling [...]

Forgiveness: What is it?

christi — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 12:27:11 +0000

Here’s what forgiveness is NOT:

- condoning bad behavior

- pretending that it didn’t hurt

- making excuses for someone

- acting nice to someone

- righteously proclaiming forgiveness from a pious sense of righteousness against someone who is all wrong

Here’s what it IS for me:

It’s a process of enlarging my perspective. The process goes something like this:

- Looking at [...]

Perfectionism

christi — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 11:52:40 +0000

I am a recovering perfectionist. I decided to put together a workshop on Grace–the most important topic in the world, in my opinion.

But, I want sooooo much for the workshop participants to really grasp the concept of grace, that I’m working reeeeeeally hard on making it a good one. Reading lots of books on grace, [...]

Values and Life Purpose

christi — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:34:03 +0000

I drew a picture of myself and filled it with several words that best describe my values. Each person’s values are different, because each of us was born for a different purpose. Visually filling my body with those values helped me move to the next step: defining my purpose.

I defined my purpose in the form [...]

I love you even though you…

christi — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:48:02 +0000

My 3-year-old son knows not to throw things. But he threw his boot, and it hit out neighbor on the head, knocking off his glasses. I came out of the house to see what was happening. He knew what my judgment would be about that, so he started to get angry at me, crossed his [...]

Go there first!

christi — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 13:51:54 +0000

The quickest way to get a knuckle sandwich is to start distributing them. The quickest way to get a smile from someone is to start distributing them.

If I want you to find yourself in a state of happiness and peace, the quickest way is to go there myself first. So how do you ‘go there [...]

Four levels of listening

christi — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 14:05:25 +0000

When your friend starts to tell you a story about their trauma-filled day, do you normally listen to all the words they are saying–the drama, the emotion, “Can you BELIEVE he was such an IDIOT?!” etc, etc….

That’s fine. That would be listening at the Drama level on the DiSCO listening scale–and it can break the [...]

Traveling Soldier

christi — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 13:16:31 +0000

I have been traveling around the US for the past several weeks, visiting family and friends. At each stop, I’ve been more and more filled with gratitude. For healing, for peace, for stability. For love.

Having lived outside of my home country for seven years now, I wondered if there would be any sense of belonging [...]

Starting with myself

christi — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 16:09:44 +0000

Sometimes I find myself wanting to “fix” people. Wanting so much to help them to forgive, let go of grudges, move forward, stop being stuck. But I know I’m trying too hard when I start feeling a tell-tale tightness in the chest, start repeating in my head the many sermons I would love to preach [...]

Game versus Seriousness

christi — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:07:34 +0000

Do you ever take yourself too seriously? You find yourself feeling ultra-professional, stressed, anxious, thinking about what could go wrong.

What if you were able to turn the serious, and often significant and meaningful things to you, into a game? It may be serious that you need to get out there and find a new job. [...]

Responding vs reacting

christi — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:57:07 +0000

How do you feel when you react to something? Do any of these words sound familiar? Tense, tight muscles, irritated, helpless, powerless, angry, annoyed,overwhelmed, hateful, in fight-or-flight…?

What about when you respond to something? Peaceful, thoughtful, connected, relieved, sitting up tall, relaxed, thinking about possibilities, un-hurried…?

That’s not to say that going with a gut feeling can’t [...]

Meditation

christi — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:20:51 +0000

The following guidelines are taken from www.contemplativeoutreach.org, where you can also sign up for prayer workshops and retreats.

Choose a sacred word as the symbol of your intention to consent to God’s presence and action within. (Open Mind, Open Heart, Thomas Keating) The sacred word expresses our intention to consent to God’s presence and action within. [...]

The Enemy and the Ally within

christi — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:42:56 +0000

Did you know that there is an “enemy within”, which uses internal negativity to sabotage your efforts? When you notice that negative side of yourself getting the upper hand, spend time with your “ally within”.

Ally yourself with that part of your person who believes you can do it. Allow that side of yourself to give [...]

Responsibility versus Blame

christi — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:34:27 +0000

How does it feel to blame yourself for a situation you are in? How does it feel to take responsibility for that same situation?

Is there a subtle shift in your mind? When we blame someone, be it God, another person, or even ourselves, we are putting ourselves in the victim’s role, trapped and stuck in [...]

Trust versus Doubt

christi — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:25:38 +0000

MT 21:21 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt … you can say to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Doubt is a good thing: when we have that [...]

Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen on pain, love, approval…

christi — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:57:50 +0000

“Most people have come to prefer certain of life’s experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain and even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and [...]

Truth versus Fraud

christi — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:52:18 +0000

This is one of my favorite subjects, because truth really does set us free–even when it is hard to look truth in the face. Being Real, like in the Velveteen Rabbit, is loving and being loved. And it’s so worth it.

Have you ever noticed how often we are less than truthful? Not that we are [...]

Creating Confidence

christi — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 20:05:15 +0000

One of the best ways to create confidence is to put down on paper what you have to offer–what makes you unique. To tell your story in a truthful way that discloses yourself in a way that shows you can be trusted.

For myself, the most important things that people need to know about me, to [...]

Powerful questions

christi — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:31:06 +0000

What questions do you ask yourself? Are they the questions that are really serving you?

“Children ask better questions than adults. May I have a cookie? Why is the sky blue? and What does a cow say? are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than Where’s your manuscript? Why haven’t you called? and Who’s [...]

Renewing hope day by day

christi — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:00:47 +0000

“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” Jesus

DT 1: “Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, `The people are stronger and taller than [...]

Life without limbs

christi — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:10:43 +0000

My kids have been spell-bound. Watching this one video over and over and over again. It’s a video of a man with no arms and no legs, who fishes, swims, brushes his teeth…and LOVES life. His name is Nick Vijicic

My 8-year-old Kiara started out his video saying, “Oh, mom! I feel so sorry for him!” [...]

Love

christi — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 08:30:17 +0000

If I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not [...]

The Quitting Zone

christi — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:44:47 +0000

In our coaching process call, we talked about the critical point that often occurs in coaching, called the “quitting zone”.

Linda Anderson, in an “>Ezine article writes:

Have you ever had a goal, worked really hard to achieve it, persevered through the ups and downs along the way, and then at some stage it all seems too [...]

Accountability 2

christi — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:57:48 +0000

The accountability call was so interesting today. I had a little trouble concentrating, as a big Sykes monkey was swinging in the trees about 10 feet from my laptop, and some Hartlaub’s turacos were flashing their brilliant scarlet wings (well hidden under their mossy and dusky outer feathers when they’re not flying).

What was most interesting [...]

Letting go

christi — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:22:00 +0000

When we let go, we acknowledge the limits of our responsibilities. We become aware of our child-likeness, which is necessary to inherit the kingdom of God. When we let go, we give up control. We surrender our desires and our fears to a God more immense than we can know.

You have likely met the limit [...]

Looking within for a change

christi — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:07:58 +0000

In her new book The Gift Of Change – Spiritual Guidance For A Radically New Life , Williamson sounds a clarion call that now is the time to begin to look within for change. Attempting to change the external world, she asserts, is akin to trying to change a movie by altering the screen when [...]

Empowering

christi — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:01:44 +0000

If I want to dis-empower my husband about helping make breakfast in the morning, it’s quite easy. All I have to do is make a few remarks about burnt eggs, add a little eye-rolling, and step in and do it myself.

If I want to empower him to make breakfast, all I have to do is [...]

Anger (again)

christi — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:23:28 +0000

One woman came for help because she hated how angrily she had treated her husband. When she felt abandoned, she attacked. When she felt attacked, she abandoned. And she was even harder on herself than she was on her family. Over time we uncovered the pain underlying her anger. We found the fear and hurt [...]

Seeing what is

christi — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:13:19 +0000

Sand behaves according to reliable physical laws. We do not take it personally when dry sand refuses to stay put in the form of a sand castle. We say, “That’s the way it is with dry sand.”

We are not as enlightened regarding the laws of being for humans. We take ourselves very personally. We assume [...]

Seeing a whole child

christi — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:54:35 +0000

It helps to continually behold the perfect child right where the disobedient, failing, or disturbed one seems to be. The perfect child cannot be seen at a superficial glance any more than the flower can be viewed in the bulb. We must look deeper than skin for beauty, deeper than behavior for goodness, deeper than [...]

Truth-telling with kids

christi — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:39:19 +0000

Instead of saying,

“You’re so smart! You’re so stupid. You already know how to do that? You’re terrific! You can’t do that yet.”

Why not try these instead,

“That didn’t work well, did it? Now you can see that glass breaks when it falls on tile. That was good pouring, but it’s easier with two hands. Isn’t it [...]

Turn around your judging thoughts

christi — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:50:57 +0000

The Work, by Byron Katie, is a fascinating way to identify and question your judgmental thoughts, so you can understand your thoughts and address them clearly.

In the first step, instead of suppressing judgmental thoughts, we put them on paper in a forcible, uncensored fashion, so that we can SEE them.We ask ourselves 6 specific, judging [...]

Storytelling

christi — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 15:55:02 +0000

Lisa Bloom is an accomplished storyteller and a Professional Certified Coach (ICF). She reminds us that we are telling our stories all the time. Corporations are going back to story-telling to build their history, their brand. As humans, we can re-tell our stories in a way that nourishes us, instead of in a way that [...]

Underlying commitments

christi — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 11:23:42 +0000

As your coach, when I find out that you have a belief system that you may not be aware of and that is holding you back, the thing to do will be to find out what it is and name it. From there, we can get curious about exploring it from different angles to see [...]

As a person thinks in his heart, so is he.

christi — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 11:35:04 +0000

It is the content of human thinking that makes the difference between misery and happiness. What matters is not the event, but how a person appraises and evaluates the event. What occurs outside him does not make him joyful or wretched, angry or benevolent, peaceful or turbulent. What he believes about the event makes all [...]

Problems?

christi — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:15:06 +0000

Why not think about something else?

Seriously, we spend so much time thinking about problem-related stuff. Why not think about what happens during those exceptional times when the “problem” is not happening? Orient your thoughts on what is happening when everything is going right. Then focus on attending to that part of your life–and watch it [...]

The flow of the coaching session

christi — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 14:37:42 +0000

I’m thinking through how I want my coaching sessions to look, for my spiritual/life coaching clients, now that I have an idea of a big-picture model. For the first couple of sessions, I would take time discussing values, the ideal life, where you want to go overall. Then, as we get into the more routine [...]

Strength

christi — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 14:24:39 +0000

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not [...]

Celebrating

christi — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:48:10 +0000

I was really happy to learn on the call today how many people are just happy because they are alive. One woman survived breast cancer for 13 years. One woman made it to her 50th birthday, even though her mom had died at 48, also from breast cancer. And for me, we decided to celebrate [...]

Women and guilt

christi — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 08:40:01 +0000

Pride is not [women's] besetting sin, even though many readily accuse themselves of it. Women’s distinctive sin is self-contempt. Women’s self-contempt manifests itself as an unwillingness to grow and take the risks that growth demands. It is often difficult for women to see that their reluctance to accept maturity is a tacit refusal of adult [...]

The Anger Ladder

christi — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 08:16:36 +0000

The goal is to move from passive-aggressive behavior and verbal abuse to a calm, even pleasant response that seeks resolution (level 1 is the most mature and beneficial, level 15 is the worst). As you look at your own anger in a given situation, assess which number you are at, and try to proceed to [...]

Waiting

christi — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 18:25:14 +0000

As a people, we are not comfortable with waiting. We see it as wasted time and try to avoid it, or at least fill it with trivial busyness. We value action for its own sake. Even in retirement, people are expected to be active and boast that they are “busier than ever”. It is hard [...]

Birth

christi — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 18:18:41 +0000

Tend only to the birth in you and you will find all goodness and all consolation, all delight, all being and all truth. Reject it and you reject goodness and blessing. What comes to you in this birth brings with it pure being and blessing. Eckhart

Resolute young fellow or timid adventurer?

christi — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:34:30 +0000

“When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.” Emerson

Another stab at the perfect elevator speech

christi — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 11:04:04 +0000

Transformational coaching means that if you are feeling “stuck” in an area of your life, I actively listen to what you’re saying, to what you’re not saying and to the underlying beliefs and values behind your words. I reflect a mirror back to you about this. By becoming fully aware, you [...]

The attitudinal foundation of mindfulness practice

christi — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:10:16 +0000

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, director of the stress reduction clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, 7 attitudes are necessary for the foundation for the practice of mindfulness–being aware of reality. Here are some excerpts and paraphrases from his book Full Catastrophe Living (pp 33-40):

1. Non-judging: Being an impartial witness of your own experience [...]

Attention Business Coaches

christi — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 11:49:05 +0000

http://www.businessballs.com/ is a fantastic website, full of all kids of free stuff. You can learn about business theories, or get practical free templates for a wide variety of uses in the office–help in setting up a business, managing people, managing projects. You name it, the information is there.

Re-framing 1

christi — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:32:16 +0000

“I’m sick of being in a straitjacket!”

Did you ever feel that way? Stuck. No choice. No opportunity. Circumstances beyond your control. Other people making rules that affect your life.

What would your life be like it you were constantly able to re-frame? How would you feel if every tiem you felt that way, you were able [...]

Leaving the old behind–and then what?

christi — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:54:30 +0000

“It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear. It’s like being between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There’s nothing to hold on to.” Marilyn Ferguson

“It takes a lot of courage to release the [...]

Diversity

christi — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:13:02 +0000

If you had asked me while I was living in France whether people are more alike or more different, I would have definitely said more different. It seemed to me that people have such vastly different ways of thinking, acting, eating, drinking, sleeping… that the commonalities are very few.

This perspective could be helpful in coaching [...]

A retreat center to strive for

christi — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 17:22:55 +0000

I’m still thinking about how to start a great retreat center. I really like the looks of this one in Kenya, called Rediscovery Retreats. I’d like my retreat center to be similar–simple, elegant, and adding a spa feel and spa services.

Sheetal Shah is a creative trainer, facilitator and personal development coach. She practices Neuro [...]

Fears and insecurities

christi — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 07:30:22 +0000

One thing you learn in coaching, is that we are all afraid. Everybody.

I may think someone else is a freak and a basket case. But they are really just freaking about something slightly different than what I freak out about. When I get coached, and all those fears are talked about in the open, they [...]

Margaret Guenther on self-care

christi — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 05:37:36 +0000

A certain bossiness on my part regarding self-care seems to be welcome, as if he directee were saying to himself, “If my spiritual director says I must, then I really must go for a run or play a game of tennis. And it’s a matter of holy obedience to get a sitter at least twice [...]

Margaret Guenther on Time

christi — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 05:33:13 +0000

I sometimes ask people to keep a careful record of their activities, hour by hour, for one day-or better still, for a week. This is analogous to the helpful practice of weight loss programs in which dieters record each morsel of food. In both cases, there are surprises. The person who “eats nothing” discovers that [...]

The Values Game

christi — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:33:59 +0000

A friend in class mentioned The Values Game on the Coach Lee web site. It was so fun, even my eight year old and six year old daughters loved it. A simple concept, it walks you through choosing and describing what is most important to you, and which of your values float to the top [...]

Margaret Guenther on Play

christi — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 15:24:30 +0000

In her book, Holy Listening, Margaret Guenther, a spiritual director in Washington, DC says,

“…play has a real place in the serious work of spiritual direction, and I try to find ways to introduce it. This calls for gentle perseverance; although some directees don’t mind, or even welcome “penitential assignments”, they are frightened at the prospect [...]

Co-active Coaching Model

christi — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 15:11:34 +0000

I met here in Nairobi with a coach named Doug Timberlake, who explained his model of coaching, called Co-Active Coaching, to me.

In Co-Active Coaching, the client and the coach work toward a client-driven agenda of life fulfillment, balance and living in the now.

The four foundations are:

- the client is creative, resourceful and whole

- the client’s [...]

Creating confidence 3

christi — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 14:18:25 +0000

For this class, I volunteered to be coached by Chris.

I told him that I’m thinking of starting a retreat center, and that I could consider doing it on my own, rather than being an employee for someone else. But I have two fears: (1) that I would make a dumb financial decision (2) that [...]

Coaching Model 3

christi — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:22:51 +0000

A coaching model doesn’t have to have a catchy name or follow an acronym. Most important is that my model is aligned with who I am, with my beliefs and my own style.

A big part of who I am and what I’ve learned is that thoughts lead to feelings, which lead to actions. And changing [...]

Powerful Requests 2

christi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:58:16 +0000

I agreed to be the person being coached on this call. I asked for coaching regarding my tendency to be perfectionistic–to expect too much from myself and from others. The ladies coaching me mentioned that they could hear the stress and the heaviness over the phone as I talk about that problem.

Some powerful requests that [...]

Goal Setting 2

christi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:51:03 +0000

I enjoyed hearing from the whole class about their top tips for goal-setting. My favorites were these:

- I would ask you to visualize your ideal life—the relationships, the people, the projects—identifying where you get the most energy. I would especially use this with people who are living in a world of “shoulds”. If you don’t [...]

Peer Coaching 1

christi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:03:48 +0000

Getting coached by another person, while learning about coaching, is an interesting experience. My coach, Tatiana Ho, is terrific. She is so good at giving feedback, being patient and understanding, and letting me set my goals. Yet, she has told me she doesn’t feel like she’s really doing much.

To me, as a coachee, it’s so [...]

Learning the Love Languages

christi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:52:48 +0000

I’ve been reading The Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. I had previously read Chapman’s book about love languages between married couples, which was very helpful. It’s amazing how much more smoothly family life goes when you’re focusing your energies in the right place.

It has become increasingly clear that my [...]

Guest insight into awareness

christi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:29:22 +0000

From a dear friend:

Have I told you about the exercise I began in 2006 on focusing on the present? It turned into a two year plus journey of self-discovery. I chose one word, on the advice of Indy Star coach and columnist Carol Juergensen Sheets, that would help me focus on a healthier lifestyle. My [...]

Creating Confidence Comment

christi — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:22:38 +0000

A friend of mine had this to add, regarding creating confidence. Her comment also offers valuable insight into re-framing thoughts and self-awareness.

At a project management seminar, the speaker, Karen Valencic, from LifeWorks said “Self-care is not an occasional event. It is an accumulation of the choices we make moment by moment throughout the day.” Then [...]

Creating Confidence 2

christi — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:33:33 +0000

What takes away my confidence as a coach?

I easily get down on myself because I’m constantly listening for my own mistakes–when I finished someone’s sentence, when I interrupted, when I gave a less than enthusiastic response. I also feel inexperienced. I don’t allow for bad days, when I’m tired or have other things on my mind. I get [...]

The structure of my coaching sessions

christi — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:27:50 +0000

My sessions last for a full 60 minutes. This allows for 5 minutes at the beginning for house-keeping items and to get focused in and centered for the call. The final ten minutes are used to clarify the week’s field work and receive feedback. This leaves a concentrated 45 minutes of coaching time. Calls begin [...]

My change process model

christi — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:09:33 +0000

Creating structure 1

christi — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:52:14 +0000

How do structures help you every day? To find the answer, walk yourself through what you did yesterday, and figure out why you did what you did–does it support your goals in any way, or is it actually detracting from them? Does it take any particular effort for you to maintain that structure?

For example, yesterday [...]

Enthusiasm

christi — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 19:37:08 +0000

When Caleb Kim said to me, “You are going to be a blessing, ” to be honest, I didn’t really believe it. But when he said it several times, each time with terrific confidence, it started to sink in. And it became part of the person I want to be.

Sometimes a coach can add enthusiasm [...]

Strengths inventory

christi — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:59:09 +0000

A Strengths inventory can help you move to action. Most people can only think of a few strengths, but after brainstorming, you will likely look positively at the result. Some questions to develop a strengths inventory (list at least 10 in each category):

1) What am I naturally good at?

2) Who/what provides support for me? [...]

My 2009 Transformation

christi — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:45:03 +0000

2009 has been a horrible year. But also a fantastic year of growth and new discoveries.

On January 13, one of my best friends lost her new-born son. And I was there when the doctor said, “This boy is already stiff!” I went into the Nairobi morgue and saw a chopped up man covered with flies [...]

Goal setting

christi — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:02:33 +0000

Sometimes you think about doing something for years. You ruminate about how bad things are. You complain. You wish things were different.

Then one day you find yourself thinking more about the future, looking ahead and imagining what life would be like if things were different. You are right on the edge of taking action. This [...]

Powerful requests

christi — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:43:40 +0000

Sometimes a powerful request is what it takes to pull you out of a rut. Say, for example, a client says to me, “I never get time to read a good book any more.” From that, it’s clear that the person would like to read more, but really has not made any clear intention of doing [...]

My code of ethics

christi — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:39:20 +0000

- I will be truthful about what I can offer my clients, and about my qualifications and experience. - I will acknowledge the efforts of those who have gone before me and from whom I am learning. - If I feel that personal issues are getting in the way of my ability to coach, I will seek [...]

Power listening: WAIT (Why Am I Talking?)

christi — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 21:13:10 +0000

Power listening: - Coaching is not a usual give and take conversation. Coaches listen 80% of the time.

What are we listening for? - What they are saying - What they are not saying - Tone of voice–stress levels, excitement, frustration, puzzlement, confusion, anger, resistance, doubt and uncertainty, hopes and aspirations. - Volume and speed. (very fast could mean they are [...]

Using awareness of the body to deal with anger

christi — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 21:10:00 +0000

Dealing with anger can be one of the hardest emotions to help a person deal with. How can we help them change a perspective in this case?

Coaching with the body. Go into the emotion totally, feel it and tell me about what they are experiencing in their body. It stops consuming them—they are no longer [...]

A change in perspective: the basics of good coaching

christi — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 21:08:45 +0000

What techniques can we use to help a client change their limiting perspectives?

Re-framing: especially when they are at an extreme. One good question could be “What do you think your perspective is in this situation?” Follow up with “What is [...]

My elevator speech: transformation

christi — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 21:00:00 +0000

I help you to transform your life. When you work with me by your side, you will be amazed at the difference you will see in the way you see yourself, the way you think, feel and act.

Getting started: designing my ideal life

christi — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:57:10 +0000

As my sister Karin said, “This sounds really great, as I would expect from an “ideal life”. This is how I would characterize my ideal life:

a) Self Care

Starting my day with an hour for myself—for prayer, for exercise, for breakfast, for quiet and peaceful time. Exercise 4-5 times each week, with a mix of cardio, [...]

Creating Action

christi — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:45:45 +0000

How do we create an action plan for ourselves? What gets in the way?

Some questions when dealing with obstacles:

Is that really a problem? What are you going to gain when you’re through with all this? You had a lot of options—you could quit. What is keeping you going? An obstacle is something that is no longer an obstacle [...]

What I said to my fitness coach today

christi — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 14:45:10 +0000

I want to take it slow–not jump into my day so quickly that I forget to eat breakfast or forget to pray or forget to exercise.

Those morning hours are important for making sure that the whole day falls into place. I think when I take two hours to do all those things, and not push [...]

Learning how to give feedback

christi — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:58:01 +0000

Learning how to give feedback is an important skill–not advice, not criticism, not compliments. Just a third-person viewpoint without emotional attachment.

The more I practice it, the more I’m finding feedback useful in everyday situations. It allows me to check perceptions. Sometimes the way a person talks doesn’t send the message they want people [...]

Effective Feedback 2

christi — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 08:32:04 +0000

Positive, constructive feedback can be very helpful. Even criticism and negativity can be turned around into something that helps you improve in the future.

I remember one instance when feedback made an immediate, life-changing impression on me. My coach said, “You seem very unhappy in your current job. Two years (I had just renewed a 2-year [...]

Getting Started: what do I want to do as a coach?

christi — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 14:20:12 +0000

What do I want to do for people? I want to help people make changes that will last after their coaching is finished. I want to help them start in a new direction, taking care of themselves in new ways and starting new ways of thinking that will help them get past obstacles. I want people [...]

Family mission

christi — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:50:58 +0000

As a Byerly family (except Liam, who was too small) we developed a top-10 list of “Who we are” as part of our family mission:

1. We are a blessing to those who enter our home, making it a place of peace and refuge. 2. We listen to people. We help them expand their horizons and achieve their goals. 3. We [...]

Loving

christi — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:48:49 +0000

“There is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation…and that is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else.” -Herman Hesse

How I decided to pursue coaching

christi — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:42:21 +0000

I’ve been living in Kenya for four years now. When we first arrived, I was still in a state of hyper-stress from my previous job in Paris. One of the reasons I left my job is because I did 10 telephone coaching sessions and realized I really and truly wanted out of corporate life, [...]